This crazy life that's meant for me
A new perspective regarding the quality of my life has appeared in my mind. With emphasis on my life, and not on lives in general. Because we're all different, right.
I've thought that I have, for so so many years now, been fighting hard to achieve that one state of mind that would release me from life's drama and bring me to a constant state of peace and tranquillity. And I've found the tools. It's easy. Meditation, yoga, nature and bom there you are, able to observe your thoughts, emotions and sensations without attachment. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
So I've wondered. If it now is so that I'm searching for this constant consciousness of peace and tranquillity, why am I then not just dedicating my life to these spiritual practices? Because I'm not. They're we'll balanced with a completely irrational and from time to time mad behaviour.
The answer, I've realised, is this. When meditating you enter an objective perspective of your internal reactions. As if you where watching them on a tv screen rather than living in the movie which is your life. If you're lucky, or maybe just focused enough, you loose yourself in this eye of the storm to such a degree that you forget the storm around you even exist. So there you have complete peace and tranquillity. And if you want, you can sit and meditate for the rest of your life, and do nothing but to live in this complete bliss. Which, as I understand it, is the aim of the yogi.
The truth is, at this part of my life, I couldn't see myself aiming to be the observer all day long. Most of the time, I actually enjoy living in the the colours of the emotions. It's one of my favourite ways of traveling - through my thoughts and emotions. Completely losing myself in them. Knowingly doing so, but still doing so. If I didn't, I wouldn't have anything to write about, no reason to paint or dance or laugh until my stomach hurts. I wouldn't have any reason to get excited or to fall in love. And all these things makes my life colourful, and what I love colours.
So meditation for me isn't a way get rid of this colourful life I've chosen to create for myself. It's a way to deal with it.